Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
