what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
