We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
