I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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