dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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