She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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