If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
