it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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