Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
