I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love you. Go after that dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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