You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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