omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
