How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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