in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
