Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
