I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
