I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
