I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
