you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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