did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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