im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
