Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
