you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When are your genitals available?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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