I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
