Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
