What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
