The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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