Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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