girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
