that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You dont lie about slip and slides
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
