my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
