Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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