I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
