I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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