You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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