Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
