and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
