did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
