I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
