I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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