Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I supernannyed him into submission
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
