i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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