Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
