I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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