how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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