girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think my moral compass just broke
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
