I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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