If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
