I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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