nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
