drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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